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BannerNews holiday hours
The BannerNews wlll be closing at 12 noon on Wednesday, Dec. 24, 2008 and will remain closed until Friday, Dec. 26 at 8:30 a.m.
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Social issues reflected in familiy structure
By TARA MANJARRES
- Thu, Mar 13, 2008
BELMONT—Grandparents who awake in the morning to pour bowls of cereal, help with after-school homework and kiss their grandchildren goodnight are a reality in Belmont.
They are grandparents who are raising children, usually ones left behind from their own children. Not only are they parenting the second time around, they are facing the issues that led to the situation. The dynamics are highly complex and typically weigh with sadness.
“It’s not just the issue of being grandparents,” said Nana Penny, whose name has been changed for privacy reasons. “It’s also that we’re dealing with our own children who are doing things they are not supposed to be doing to their children.”
Penny’s granddaughter is a seven-years-old and attends Page Elementary School, where a newly organized support group for grandparents as parents meets monthly. School Counselor Carla Mills organized the group and says the school doesn’t have an overwhelming need for the program. They estimate they have around 10 grandparents serving as parents. Rather, she tries to provide help for all types of parenting situations and grandparents as parents is becoming more common.
According to the AARP North Carolina, there are over 135,000 children living with their grandparents. This translates into about seven percent of families. The figures may seem insignificant but tell that to the grandparents who find themselves with fewer support systems, smaller networks of families and friends and little government help. Tie this into possible physical, emotional, social, legal and financial challenges and the enormity of the situation is easily understood.
Delores came to the Thursday group meeting. Her name has also been changed. She, too, has a seven-year-old granddaughter she is now parenting. Delores, who’s in her fifties, has full custody of the child, and also works full time. Her daughter has been in and out of rehab multiple times and has been deemed unfit to primarily parent by the court.
According to literature on the subject, substance abuse is one of the primary reasons grandparents step in. Other causes are child abuse, neglect and abandonment, teenage pregnancy, death, joblessness, divorce, incarceration, illness and AIDS.
Delores recalled a moment where she found her daughter and granddaughter in a motel.
“She was passed out on the bathroom floor with a belt tied around her arm. There was a dried up biscuit on the floor and that was about it. My granddaughter was just walking around.”
It didn’t take long for Delores to obtain custody but she admits it wasn’t easy. Lots of paperwork, hundreds of calls to DSS and even more time was spent for her and her husband to gain parental rights.
The focus of this latest meeting was to let the grandparents network and discuss the issues they’re presently facing. The group is not isolated to just grandparents at Page. They are soliciting other area grandparents so the group will have a larger base to support one another.
A check with the North Carolina Cooperative Extension office of Gaston County did not turn up any related programs in place for grandparents as parents. The Department of Social Services of Gaston County also doesn’t have any support groups. Both agencies, acknowledge that the need is there.
Penny said simple things like meeting others in similar circumstances has helped her.
“People just don’t realize that there is someone out there just like you.”
For more information on the support group, contact Page School Counselor Carla Mills at (704)825-2614.
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